About commuting home and decision making

My parents’ house is really far from everywhere. We’re basically living at the edge of Jakarta. To be exact, it’s so close to Bekasi that most of my friends thought I lived in Bekasi. Living in a house so far away from the center of Jakarta made me use my brain all the time. Especially before the pandemic, when I was still working at the office. I always thought of ways to go home, to find the best and safest route. I always calculated and considered so many factors; the time, the location, the transportation, and obviously the traffic jam spots in Jakarta. The further you are from your destination, the more and worse the traffic jams you’ll face when you’re commuting. When I was still working at a radio station, public transportation was still limited. We had TransJakarta already but the number of buses available, the routes, and the shelters were not as many as now. I remember I was always at the office at 6 am and having to go home at 6 pm, then standing up in the shelter, waiting for the bus, hoping that the next one wouldn’t be too full so I could squeeze in. Then when I got to the next shelter and transferred to another route, I always hoped that the small shelter wouldn’t be too full. Because when that happened, I had to join in a long queue along the bridge above that shelter to the previous transit shelter, just to get on a bus. It’s insane. When I finally got onto the bus, I also hoped that I would be lucky enough to get a seat. If not, I hoped I wouldn't stand up too long, someone in front of me would get up to leave at the next stop and I could finally sit down. Took a nap maybe, while continuing my journey. And yes, I still had to take an ojek after that before finally arriving home. So, if I left the office at 6 pm, what time would I get home? Around 9 pm, if I was lucky, 8.30 pm. I did that for a year. Thankfully the job I took after that, even though still far from home, had a better route and traffic. And I could sometimes leave the office early before the rush hour. So, if I left at 5 pm, I got home at 6 - 6.30 pm. Pretty different, right? That’s why time, location, transportation, and traffic jam spots matter. One hour matters a lot to prevent yourself from getting stuck in a traffic jam. Sometimes half an hour or even 15 minutes. However, the office building of that job was located in an area where, most of the time, the traffic jam could be so bad, that cars and motorbikes wouldn’t move for hours on the same road. When that happened, I would usually just take a walk, a long one, to the next bus shelter where the traffic was better. Two years later, I moved to a retail company that was located in a place further from that previous office, but still on the same route. That means, longer traffic even though the transportation I took was just the same. At first, it was tiring, especially since the working hours were also less predictable than before, but thankfully, Gojek was invented around that time. Having more options to commute was definitely making me less stressed.

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Even now, I still remember that going home was always really tough. Work was tough, I did a lot of thinking and decision-making. But I did that even more when I was going home. When I faced a situation — such as waiting for a bus and when it arrived, it was full of passengers — I always told myself, “Maybe next one.” If after that, the same thing still happened, I would ask myself, “Do you want to keep waiting or take a walk to the next bus stop?” I like thinking that walking means I am moving and getting closer to home. But if I chose walking, what if an empty or less crowded bus appeared? What I would always do is give myself a ‘deadline’ to see if what I was hoping for happened. If not, I would take a walk. It was always a long walk. really far, but I always thought “Okay, it’s your workout, you may skip the gym tomorrow.” That always made me feel better. If after deciding to walk, I saw a bus going past me, would I regret my decision? No. Would I wonder if that bus was less crowded and I would be sitting on it instead of taking this long walk? Maybe, but I still won’t regret my decision. Maybe it was already full as the previous buses when it got to the stop where I waited. I shouldn’t wonder and I shouldn’t regret it. That was my decision. So I focused on what I was doing. The long walk, it’s always tiring. When I finally got on a bus, I still had a long journey to get home. What kept me going? I told myself that “This is hard,” I know that. But since I already had this experience, when the next bad thing happens, I can endure it. Because I endured this one already. So, I’ll be fine. And this will be over soon. Just keep walking, just keep on going. That and every other experience taught me endurance and mindfulness. I taught my mind to keep going during every struggle. I was being hopeful, just enough, and still being logical and open to other possibilities when what I hoped for didn’t happen. I didn’t blindly believe that good things will happen. Well, it could happen, but maybe in a way I didn’t predict it in the beginning. And even though it didn’t happen, I could still do something else. So I always measure and compare things, then commit to my decision. I always thought, “it may take a while, it may take hours, but you’ll get home anyway.” It’s not that I was surrendering to my situation. I just realized that it was something I had to go through. Many people asked, “Why didn’t you rent a room closer to your office instead of living that far away and commuting for hours?” I did that before, and I ended up spending more money than I had to. Also, I love being at home with my family. And I know that complaining about my life and the traffic jams won’t help me either. Being that pessimistic costs more energy, the energy I need to get home. So instead, I accept the situation and just go on. This, I guess, is what Stoic people would always do. In the end, those were years and years of teaching myself to be both optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. I wasn’t being too optimistic and thinking “Oh, tomorrow you’ll have a smooth journey home.” Nope, I know by working there, it would be my daily struggle. I was just being neutral, having a considerate amount of both optimists and pessimists. And when you can finally do that, I think you’ll enjoy and appreciate every single moment of your life, the good and the bad.